[He remains silent throughout M's speech, letting him get out everything that he wants to say. While finally being able to give voice to some of his fears feels like having a weight lifted off his shoulders, he can't help but feel guilty that it had taken them getting to this point to have this discussion.
He's tried so hard to move beyond his past. To erase the terrible things his parents have done and said to him. To forget how many years he spent alone and abandoned. To shove those same feelings away when he realized that M had left and wasn't coming back.
They've discussed all the issues M had and how he wanted to work on them, but never had Andrew tried to verbalize his own. To do anything other then choke them down. Listening to M talk about how much he had inspired him and opened his worldview, he can't help but think how much stronger he is for meeting his faults head on and working to improve himself.
He stares down at the hand M covers.]
But I am. Them fucking with my head doesn't give me an excuse to continue being this messed up. You had an experience so much worse then mine and yet you're trying to do better. You're working to improve yourself. I'm just...stagnating.
[He thinks about where he had left his conversation with Archie. Each of them agreeing that they need to talk to someone about their problems. He means to make good on that.]
I'm...going to find someone to talk to. I can't just keep carrying around all this built up resentment and bitterness towards things that can't be changed. I don't want that for myself. And I don't want that for us.
[He especially doesn't want anything else going unsaid that can be turned against him.]
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Date: 2018-05-29 04:26 am (UTC)He's tried so hard to move beyond his past. To erase the terrible things his parents have done and said to him. To forget how many years he spent alone and abandoned. To shove those same feelings away when he realized that M had left and wasn't coming back.
They've discussed all the issues M had and how he wanted to work on them, but never had Andrew tried to verbalize his own. To do anything other then choke them down. Listening to M talk about how much he had inspired him and opened his worldview, he can't help but think how much stronger he is for meeting his faults head on and working to improve himself.
He stares down at the hand M covers.]
But I am. Them fucking with my head doesn't give me an excuse to continue being this messed up. You had an experience so much worse then mine and yet you're trying to do better. You're working to improve yourself. I'm just...stagnating.
[He thinks about where he had left his conversation with Archie. Each of them agreeing that they need to talk to someone about their problems. He means to make good on that.]
I'm...going to find someone to talk to. I can't just keep carrying around all this built up resentment and bitterness towards things that can't be changed. I don't want that for myself. And I don't want that for us.
[He especially doesn't want anything else going unsaid that can be turned against him.]