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[heliophilic]

This is M. I'm most likely out punching someone. Don't worry, they deserve it.

Probably.

I'll call you back later.

TEXT | VOICE | VIDEO

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[itssacrifice]

[He allows the words to roll over him, eyes glued down to the floor, as M recites the hateful words. Underneath all the guilt and heartache a strong pulse of anger is trying to boil its way to the top. Anger at the doppelganger for using his face and his voice to deliver that steaming bowl of crap M's way. To reveal his secrets in lies and partial truths. To cut down M in the places where he's vulnerable.

By the end his hands have curled into fists and his lips have drawn together in a hard line. If he ever finds that little shit he's dead.]

...Definitely not the way I would have worded it. His bedsides manner is shit.

[He doesn't mean to be flippant at such a dire time but he needs M to know that he's been fed a version of the facts that isn't his own. Even if his own fears and insecurities have gotten them to this point, he never viewed M spitefully.]

It's not. [M has done his best to own up to his own bullshit, the least Andrew can do is do the same.] I shouldn't have kept things from you. Especially something as big and awful as my deaths. And I should never have made Archie promise not to tell you. I put your friendship in jeopardy so I could lick my wounds. And I'm sorry. I'm not always as strong as you think I am.

[heliophilic]

Oh... I dunno... if he'd tried being subtle I might not have figured out it wasn't you.

[It's an attempt at his usual humor to break the mood, but his heart just isn't in it, so it comes out a bit flat. He's tired. Ever since Apollo came back into his life, he's been trying to be better, trying to repair their relationship into something stronger than it was before. But after the doppelganger, after Archie, and after this conversation, he'd be lying if he didn't think he was the only one trying to do so right now.]

I don't love you for your strength, Andrew. ...Even if you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

[itssacrifice]

[He flinches. An attempt at humor or not, it hurts that M had thought for a second that that thing had been him. That he could attack him on an emotional level so viciously, so callously.

But he doesn't know what else to say expect how sorry he is. And he's not sure if it's enough. If it's what M wants to hear.]

...What do we do now?

[heliophilic]

[M lets out a rather uncharacteristic sigh as he stares intently at his hands.]

...I don't know. Fight computer's closed, remember?

[Even if it is there, currently niggling at the back of his mind, working out the odds of millions of scenarios whether he wants it to or not.]

[itssacrifice]

I'm not asking what the computer wants us to do. I want to know what you want to do.

[He's at fault this time. It's not up to him.]

[heliophilic]

I know.

[The computer just makes things easier. That way he doesn't have to think about feelings or thoughts or consequences... just decisions and answers.]

I just... don't understand why you won't talk to me, I guess.

[itssacrifice]

I told you. I made a mistake. I should have trusted you with the truth but I was scared. And I thought if I ignored it it would go away. I was wrong.

[heliophilic]

[For a moment, M remains silent, simply looking over at Andrew. The next he's laughing up at the ceiling, both hands clenching the edge of the island they're sitting at. He honestly doesn't mean to do it, it just comes out--a deep, not-right laugh that just doesn't want to stop.

That was exactly the way he felt about pretending to be Lucas Trent, and yet here he is months later still attempting to explain himself. Should he have flipped a table too?]

[itssacrifice]

[Andrew stills, his shoulders tensing as M's laugh bursts out suddenly, filling the space between them with its sound.

He reaches out his hand, carefully reaching for M's shoulder.]

...M?

[heliophilic]

[M finally gets his unhinged giggles under control and glances sidelong at his boyfriend.]

I take it the dramatic irony was lost on you, then.