heliophilic | IC Inbox

It sounds very painful, how lucky am I that he cannot use his finishing move indiscriminately, frost giants tend not to do well in the face of things that burn.

[Loki just gives Dragprawn a look that subtly says ha-ha.]

You weren't always a killing machine then?

[Not that Loki had any foreknowledge of his being a killing machine, it was and interesting piece of information.

Ah, right gift exchanges, Loki wasn't the greatest at this sort of thing, which is why he delivered most of his gifts on the sly, a difficult thing to do in this case. Remembering what he's supposedly came to do he slides his own package in M's direction.]

You have my thanks. [And his surprise, social exchanges are awkward things, are they not? Loki's gift was a homage to sausage, an assortment of sausages, cheese, and a few bottle of dark German lager, tucked into a hooded jacket of his own design. Who doesn't want to be Thor?]

Fortunately for you, they only worked on other imPocreats.

[The little robot shrimp makes a face back.

Well, as much as a prawn can, at any rate.]

So I've been lead to believe. I might have even been ordinary once.

[A part of his life he doesn't seem terribly cut up about missing.

M's gift was in the same vein, only it was a series of cookbooks that came highly recommended by an asset of his that works in a bookstore. If someone wants to be a chef, they need to start somewhere, right?

Truth be told, social exchanges are just as awkward on his side of things, but he's learned how to more or less fake it without being completely disconcerting. He gives a single chuckle at the sight of the hoodie before sliding the beer out and slipping it on. Despite being a human-shaped mountain, it fits.]

And you've got mine. My cabinets will have something other than peanut butter in them for a while.

Edited 2017-01-05 03:55 (UTC)

Fortunately, I'd hate to have to explain my defeat at the hands of Dragprawn. Burning Bubbles...I'd never be able to go home. [And people already laugh at him.] Make that face and it might just get stuck that way.

[Didn't anyone ever tell you Dragprawn?]

Ordinary.

[Loki seems to mull that over to himself as he tries to ponder what this ordinary is. He's weird and glad to be so...

...but again easily distracted by awkward social exchanges.

Books were always things that he could use and he did not have any cookbooks on his wall, his shrine devoted to books, because he is a nerd for books and it shows.]

With these books your cabinets might be even less so, I will always need a guinea pig. Might be useful in my lessons with a Mister Clark Kent. [He says so as he flips to chapters that cover cake baking, that's what Clark wanted to show him and getting a leg up wouldn't hurt. After a moment he fixed his eyes on M. grinning and thoroughly humored that he'd slipped on the hoodie. Actually he wasn't expecting that, which explains the mild surprise that registers just before his humor.] Had to guess your measurements, but I figured you were somewhere between a Loki and a Thor.

[Yes, that is how Loki measures clothing, Loki is tall, but spare in terms of mass, there is muscle, but he seems hungry somehow. Thor is also tall...taller...and burly in the way one would expect a god to be. That intimidating, crush-you-like-a-bug kind of burly.]

Considering you're stuck here at the moment anyway it's not the worst that could happen.

[It's a robot shrimp. As it if it cares.

M is debating putting up the helmet/hood part of his new gift when he hears the words "Clark Kent." First Wayne, now him. He certainly hears a lot of familiar names from Loki's lips.]

What are you doing with this Mr. Kent?

[They better not be sparring on a mountaintop somewhere. That's his thing with Superman.]

Well good guess. [He is genuinely impressed. He can gauge someone's size, but that's really only to kill them, not to pick out gifts.] And speaking of Thor, I suppose one of these days I should meet your brother, shouldn't I?

I would ask "what's the worst that could happen" but that feels like deja vu.

[Oh you'll care if your robot bits malfunction and you're stuck like that...it would be funny actually. For Loki.

At the question Loki cocks his head ever so slightly and grins in a very unrepentant fashion.]

Wouldn't you like to know? [Loki is entirely innuendo, but he raises his hands after a moment.] Nothing terribly exciting, apparently he's taking pity on poor pathetic Loki. He's going to teach me how to become the Cake Boss.

[Unless Superman fights with a sword, daggers, or a spear...Loki isn't much for the whole fist fighting thing.]

Human measurements are difficult, nothing is universal...I didn't know your hats came in sizes and half-sizes. [A fact that baffles Loki to this day.

At the mention of Thor and meeting Thor, Loki's face is too straight to take seriously and his response comes out a bit abnormal (for Loki), slowly, weighted. He might be the god of lies, but he can't hide everything.] Yes...yes, of course you absolutely should, he's kind, pure, worthy, forgiving to a fault.

[And too idyllic for his own good, but Loki hasn't had any contact with him and he's not terrified at all.]

I already had a fairly good idea based on the pages you were reading, but I've been told those kinds of questions put people at ease.

[As much as he can put people at ease, at least. He knows he's unnerving by nature. It's how he was built, after all.

M bites the inside of his lip as he watches the microexpressions blossom across Loki's face. Well, this is now awkward, though it was certainly not his intention. In an attempt to put the other man at ease a little, he smirks.]

Do I strike you as the type of person who hangs out with those types of people regularly?

Yes, you're very unnerving, I feel ill at ease by the simple weight of your presence, even for one as heavy as I.

[And to emphasize the gravity of this weight Loki prostrates himself against the counter.

After a moment he props himself up on his forearms, giving M one of his assessing, Loki, looks. Did this just get awkward? Loki wasn't feeling anymore awkward than usual, but he's always been more circumspect when it comes to his family.]

Are you saying I'm more your type? All morally gray and not predisposed to fighting fairly? [He'd never fit in with the superheroes.] It's not you, I've simply been avoiding the issue that is Thor, he's still here as far as I know, I just haven't made the effort to see him. I'm not sure when and where he's from...but I haven't heard any booming threats in ye olde tongue yet. I think we're good.

You just know I'm standing here thinking of all the ways I can kill you.

[Something that... in reality is not a lie in the slightest. It's not that he's doing it purposefully, mind, but he can't exactly turn the implants off.]

I don't just invite anyone to come and get their shins bashed in at my apartment. Anyone who sees the world in black and white is an idealist who's never seen the real world. And no one in the real world fights fair.

[Good thing for Loki then that M doesn't particularly like superheroes then.]

The way you always seem to talk about him [And the fact you just, you know, made a sweater in his likeness] made me think you were on better terms. [He shrugs.] Whatever works for you two works, I guess. I have no frame of reference on siblings in the slightest.

Ah, what is this familiar feeling! Take comfort in the knowledge that you are not the first to have those thoughts, it's a guarantee, and I think it's healthy.

[In that, if for whatever reason something in Loki goes south, he wouldn't have to worry about M taking action. He's already got back-ups for his back-ups.]

The call us dangerous, but idealism is just as dangerous I think, there has been much killing for the sake of creating a reality that matches your idealism. It's no substitute for principles.

[And they say Loki has problems.]

We get along like a house on fire, Thor and I, at least the one I know. [What can he say, he does miss his brother.] He invites himself over, strips my refrigerator, and talks about slashing the internet. [He means something else, but it's always funny, Thor's lack of knowledge.] What he doesn't know is the truth about me, always a convoluted, complicated thing, this truth and honesty business.

Don't go feeling too special, I imagine it for everyone.

[Well at least he took that well.]

They're in such a hurry to shove their morals at you as proof their better, but if anything it proves they want to talk about a better world, not actually do anything that would actually achieve it.

[He doesn't claim to have high, lofty goals, but he knows where to keep his focus.]

That doesn't sound like a house on fire, but what do I know. [Sorry Loki, the bit about internet slashing goes over his head. He's not much of an internet guy.] And I would imagine that has something to do with being the god of lies.

Start telling me things like that and I might have to get a little bit jealous. Such a people person you are.

[It takes a lot to really disturb Loki, considering.]

Oh, but they lock up the bad guys, you know! And then the bad guys escape, hurt more people...so they lock them up again. That sort of repetition takes the kind of effort you have to admire.

[He's just oozing sarcasm.]

Not the best example of brotherhood, but miles better than trying to kill each other. [This is a good thing, M does not need to read Loki's internet slash.] Yes, Loki the liesmith, silver tongue, trick skin...it's a long list of titles. What he doesn't know is that I'm not the little brother that he thinks that I am. My previous iteration sacrificed himself, getting himself ripped in half so that he could start all over again, but not without tricking the Queen of Hel into taking him out of the Book of Hel so that he could be reincarnated. And then he also created a murder weapon, the Echo, because he wanted to keep his personality intact, such as it was. Thor thinks I'm the reincarnated child, this is his body, but what is inside is the Echo.

So I've been told.

[It's probably for the best, given M's social skills.]

It's one of the most infuriating things about the whol[]e "superhero" set. They actually think they're helping. I'm not saying every 'bad guy' needs to taken out, but they're like Sisyphus with his damn boulder, only they don't notice the rock rolling past them back down the hill and get confused when they see it down there again.

[Don't worry, he's right there on the same page.]

I'll pretend I understood any of that. Sounds like you're just guilty you think you aren't the guy your brother thinks you are.

[Fortunately Loki gets by on a lot of charm and his gift for the gab.]

You know that's funny, because it's true, as one who has the bad guy's perspective on things. For my myriad sins and the wretchedness of my past lives, I figured someone would have had the good sense to put me down and there were plenty of opportunities.

[But if you want something done right.]

Yes and no. I feel guilty, true enough, which is a concept foreign enough to give me hallucinations. This body confounds my very nature because I didn't just step into it, it stepped into me. I feel guilty for murdering a child and assuming his glittery new reputation, even though it was me and that's a scary and horrible thing to confess. It's just easier to keep everyone on the other side of the veil.

[M gets by with a trail of bodies in his wake.]

If anything, I thought you'd be the one saying you're the shining example of how a "bad guy" can change his ways.

[Talk of child murder aside. Normally, the second such a subject got brought up they'd be the last words they ever spoke, but this instance was frustratingly more complicated than "normal." There was gods and magic and all of that bullshit involved, and frankly it sounded more like reincarnation or possession, neither one of those being things he knew all that much about to begin with.

He'd be lying if his breath didn't catch and his fist didn't tighten whenever the subject got brought up ]

Then why tell me?

I wanted to be, I want to be, proof that I can change...it was my justification for everything that I did...or everything that I was made to be. My previous iteration was Sauron multiplied by that Anti-Dumbledore guy cubed. His alignment was totally chaotic evil. His clothes were green, but his heart was black, everyone knows that. [It was almost sing-song the way he went about describing his his old self.] He wanted to stop burning...the boy was able to change, he became what Loki was aspiring to be and as a weapon and an Echo of the old Loki I can only feel guilt. Everything I know tells me everything I feel is wrong.

[For that very reason the old Loki deemed him a failure for having any sense of guilt and any desire to change what he was hardwired to do. In stepping into the body of his child self corrupted or purified him, however one wanted to look at it. His first act of change was to do what his old self would have done, therefore not achieving change, but he genuinely did not want to become the soulless creature that was Loki.]

I don't know. Confession is good for the soul? Or perhaps I'm afraid of myself and I'm looking for a backbone.

[Unfortunately for Loki, M's about as far from a priest as he's going to get, and yet...]

Sounds to me like you're a combination of the two. You're not quite the kid, but you aren't the "clothes of green, heart of black" as you so eloquently put it either. Instead of dwelling on who you might have been in the past, focus on who you are in the present. That's the version people care about.

[Not the response Loki was expecting, granted Ms. America had a tendency to force the God of Mischief to brace for impact at the slightest of provocations. He's not used to this degree of understanding, not that he's entirely certain why he confessed all of that to M'...probably because he could sense the man was a detector of bull shit. Loki was a superb liar, but even he had his moments where the lies would catch him up. How long could he lie and then what? Best to rip off some bandages quickly, but this was rather painless, which is why he found himself staring for at least a full minute before shaking his head and opening his mouth to say something.]

Not usually at a loss for words, but...I guess I am a bit surprised, at least I'm not used to that sort of reaction. I'll...do my best? That's what you're supposed to say, is it not?

[M gives a slight shrug at the stare. Emotions aren't his forte, but it isn't to say he doesn't possess them, or is at the very least aware of them. Besides...]

I'm not in the exact situation as you, but something similar. Like I said, I might have been normal once. When I got my implants, the mad scientists who made me wiped out my past, who I was before...

[He does a vague hand wave around himself.]

It never used to bother me. Hell, I barely thought about it until I fell for someone. Calling him normal's a stretch, but he had a past. A real name. A life besides killing bad men who deserved it. So I started thinking about it for the first time. We reached the stage where the masks came off and real names were exchanged as a courtesy. I didn't have an answer for him, so I made one up: "Lucas Trent." Sounded nice, didn't it? Pretended I was a real boy for a bit. Things were fine until I figured out that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach was guilt at constantly lying to the one guy that mattered to me.

[As M talks about his ex, his expression gets distant as he more talks to a small sun ornament on one of his bookshelves than at Loki. His gaze breaks before he says:]

So I finally told him the truth.

He was pissed of course. I knew he'd be. But he wasn't mad that what I lied about. He was mad I lied to him at all. Our lives weren't normal and I should have been more open to him. That I didn't have to hide.

What I never told him was that I didn't think there was a me beyond the nameless fight robot I was created to be. Never told him that because of him, that actually bothered me for the first time in my life.

Of course, not long after I broke everything off my "mother" had to come waltzing back into my life, demanding my help. Someone had stolen some of her precious artifacts--she collects odd science, you see. Like what she put in my head, and this apartment. Stolen some very bad weapons... And a file containing information of who I used to be. It was the first time I even knew she had the damn thing.

Story that's gone way longer than intended short, that one two punch made me realize that I had to figure out who I was, and what part of me I wanted to present to the world. They put into perspective that the only part of me I could change was the me in the present, and that I personally better damn well like that guy. I don't know who I was before Midnighter, and I know Lucas Trent was a lie. But M... M's who I am. And I love being me.

[Loki tends to think of feelings in terms of abstracts, technically he's a three year old blank slate who only relates to feelings in terms of what his past experiences were and what the child Loki felt. He's developed some feelings of his own, like guilt, guilt was exclusive to this iteration and it made him feel...wrong. Affinity also made him feel wrong, but he developed that during his time on Earth as well, for the Young Avengers, for the small things...like music, electronic devices, various fomrs of entertainment. It would be a way of knowing people.

Falling for someone like that? He is unable to relate to such an experience, even from his past iteration, he presently loves his brother, but it's not the same thing...and evil Loki...well. Love was an expectation, a debt owed, or an arrangement made. His previous iteration tricked his wife into becoming his wife and then resented her for any affection she showed him...that was not an example. So he can only try to absorb such things from the experiences of others like Billy and Teddy and their whole love saving the universe thing...he's not allowed to be completely nauseated by the idea according to Ms. America.]

It's something to aspire to, the whole loving one's self thing...I assume it's not a narcissistic, selfish thing, but something healthier than that. Given that I'm only three years old I'm absorbing a lot of information very quickly love is a strange thing, yes? The minutiae surrounding the concept is a bit difficult, but that seems like something to aspire to, loving yourself...mayhem is bad, but mischief has merit. [Loki does snort a small laugh to himself.] I'm not sure I'll ever have your stones though...telling Thor the truth, I don't think I can do that...probably because I'm 75% certain he'll try to kill me 25% certain he'll forgive me...not sure I can deal with that either.

[So. Does he pat M on the shoulder? Is he supposed to kiss his forehead? That was a very painful story he just told Loki, especially telling Loki. He fidgets trying to figure that one out and hen settles for folding his hands on tom of one another as they rest on the table, smiling instead. Not the twisted smile full of mischief, but something sincere.]

That does make you pretty amazing though.

It's about finding what you like and who you like to do it with, and how those things make up part of who you are. It's a game of trial and error and sometimes you mess up badly, even when you can see how everything ends. And yeah, it's very strange, and I'm including vampires and your magical paper people, but I've never let strange stop me.

[He doesn't let anything stop him, not really.]

I'm not claiming to tell you what to do, or to give you any kind of advice. I'm just telling you what worked for me, and if it works for you too great. If not, throw it away.

[While it's true the story was painful, he's long ago accepted pain as a part of life. After all, when you're created to be a killing machine you become intimately familiar with the sensation. M's just seen it as one more thing to beat into submission, so while it certainly affects him the same as everyone else, he refuses to dwell on it.]

So you say. You're pretty amazing yourself. Maybe not with emotions, but the things you can do aren't something to just write off.

[For the first time since the conversation got personal, M seems to notice the packages on his island, and realizes they've careened into some pretty serious territory for what he thinks is supposed to be a lighthearted holiday.]

Well with that all said why don't we maybe move to something a little less depressing. If you've got some time I could order in from somewhere, and I've got some movies and some sort of video game doohickey hooked up to the TV.

[Loki is not one to discard things so easily, at least not this iteration. It might not be advice, but Loki considers his words anyway and while he doesn't possess M's ability to see how things end, Loki knows how things end in his case. Messing something up inevitable...he lies. Not always. Sometimes he's very honest it's just a lot harder since subterfuge is part of his nature, strategy, and survival. He can be selfish too tending to do things based on self-interest, but every now and then he will trip himself up and do things for the sake of someone else.

Loki would require an extreme amount of patience with his flaws, something he's aware of, and then there is nothing in his experience by which to compare.]

I'll give your seriousness some serious thought.

[He can promise that much especially after M took the time to explain all of this to Loki and the trickster wouldn't deny that they had certain similarities that forced him to pay attention.]

Oh, well, don't stroke my ego too much. My head might inflate and that would make it difficult to get through doors.

[And Loki making a joke at is own expense means things are tacking a turn towards levity.]

I have all the time there is...[Loki was about to make a few recommendations, what with his wallet tucked in his back pocket but then M uttered the word doohickey and Loki was trying not to lose it.]...doohickey he says? Alright, let's order something and you can show me your doohickey, I'll turn it on and see what we have to work with. If it's a disappointing doohickey then movies are an excellent plan B.

[No. Loki doesn't have a filter, he just says shit as it comes to him.]

That's all I ask.

[He finally takes Dragprawn off his shoulders, and the little shrimp scurries off to go attack a stuffed chew toy.]

Luckily I can make my own Doors bigger to get you out of my apartment. Beyond that you'd be on your own.

[Look you're lucky he knows how to turn the TV on. That was part of his whole self-reflection time. After all, fight robots don't play video games. He heads over to the bookshelves to point out the console.]

Look, someone wanted to play kooky kart racing or something and got pissed when I kept beating him. I haven't touched it since.

[Better the toy than Loki's leg.]

Oh, how utterly unfeeling of you, just inflate my head and throw me out into the world of uncompromising doors so that I might fend for myself.

[It's fortunate that Loki is very much in tuned with technology, machines are easier to manipulate and trick than people, truth be told. They didn't have the ability to be discerning, they just follow their purpose.]

I can see that. [Loki smooths a hand over the machine just to get rid of the trace amount of dust before deftly hooking everything up.] That does give me something to strive for, doesn't it? Let's see if I can succeed where he could not.

[Loki cannot promise to play fair.]

Fight robot, remember?

[Though his smirk betrays that there is much more to him than just that.]

Doubtful. I already see how this is going to end.

Excuses.

[And you give it away so very easily.]

What you're seeing is my inevitable victory and I hope you've come to terms with it and the grandiloquent victory dance that is sure to follow.

[Smug little bastard that he is, but Loki is determined to throw a few surprises out there regardless of his wins or losses.

A few more adjustments and Loki is ready to go, perching on floor with his back against the sofa.]

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