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[heliophilic]

This is M. I'm most likely out punching someone. Don't worry, they deserve it.

Probably.

I'll call you back later.

TEXT | VOICE | VIDEO

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[heliophilic]

[Oh please, you're adorable. Just for you he'll get all dressed up.]

I think that he'd pair well with fava beans and a nice chianti. But first he needed to be fattened up a little. His current diet just won't do.

I was wondering how long it'd take you to come talk to me, Flash.

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[tardily]

[ He appreciates it, because clearly that means it's working or that he is talking to someone who understands why he's doing this. ]

That's my fault. We share a fridge, I eat most of it. [ Any attempts at actual intimidation are just going down the tubes with that. ] He only recently told me about you. Told me not to worry because bros before hos. And he didn't want to tell me about you.

Saw you flirting with Mr. Thawne, too. Should I be worried, M? Should I?

[heliophilic]

[Wow he is so bad at this. Still, thanks for confirming is suspicions you're the Flash from Cisco and Eddie's world and not his. Much obliged.

He leans in close, grinning.]

It wasn't very wise of you to tell me where you lived. Now it's only a one in three chance I merely guess who you are. No, wait, Eddie said he lives there too... We're down to one in two. Not very good odds, Flash. Not good at all.

[Except not, because he doesn't care.]

I'd be more worried about that secret identity of yours, rather than who I choose to hang out with.

[By the way... you want to threaten someone? That's how you do it.]

[tardily]

[ And this is one of the issues of assuming everyone knows who you are. Sometimes you give away things and regret it after the fact. ]

You know he'd cry if you beat me up. I've seen him cry, it's not pretty and makes you feel like human dirt. [ Mayday, mayday, this is a failure. ]

I'd worry more about it if it didn't feel like everyone knew it before I even told them. [ Ever heard of killing someone with kindness, M? There's more than one way to threaten. ] They're my friends. Do you want to test what I'd do for them if you decide to be an asshole?

[heliophilic]

Please, I'm not one of your supervillains.

[M leans back in his seat now, satisfied he's proved his point.]

I just wanted to make sure we were both blatantly clear where we stood on which one of us can actually make a threat.

[A huge (well, frankly terrifying) grin spreads across M's face.]

And now that we've gotten that sorted... I believe you said something about my being a ho?

[tardily]

No, you're just a person going on dates with someone who deserves to be treated nice.

[ Good god, M. Is this better or worse than Zoom, we just don't know. That grin is something else. ]

I wasn't trying hard. I could have done if I really wanted to. [ Nope. ] I wasn't supposed to tell you that, but Cisco may have made fun of me and a date I had. He didn't directly call you a ho, just— bros before hos. I am the bro, you are the ho.

[heliophilic]

And you think your little attempt at intimidation would work... how, exactly? You "scare" me into being nice to Cisco? Last I checked, if you succeeded, that would mean my feelings for him would no longer be genuine. I'd simply be acting out of "fear" of you. How is that fair to him again?

[Seriously, Flash, your plan is really sad.]

I am aware how the expression works, but thanks for the primer all the same.