heliophilic | IC Inbox

I'd be lying if I said it was just me. The Gardener was there for me in the beginning. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't get some of my values from her, but not because she was the one who took me in. Her hatred of black science rivaled my own because I knew exactly what black science was capable of.

But when push came to shove, I quickly learned just how different our thoughts on the matter were, and I cut her out of my life.

Funny enough, I have the other Grayson to thank for that.

I can see why he likes you.

[ Dick laughs quietly, mostly at himself. ] ... Man, I really want to ask you like a thousand questions about this stuff you keep saying. Sorry — detective thing.

The Gardener is a construct of the God Garden, a space ship that satellites the Earth. It's a refuge for people like me who have been experimented on, or generally goes against nature. It also houses black science, short for black market science, technology created by people who try to play god and lose.

Some of the science got loose and Dickie and I were on opposite sides tracking it all down. The last piece we needed to collect was at a concert in Tel Aviv. Dickie and I wanted to go get it and save everyone there. Gardener wanted them all to die so the world could see what black science was capable of and discourage further use. She was right, I knew she was right. Probability-wise, she was absolutely right. But we weren't going to let that happen.

That should answer them.

That... actually pretty much covers it, yeah. You're really good at Q&A!

I tried the whole covert thing for a little bit. Didn't like it much. The job was interesting, but the payoff wasn't worth it. I decided that when it comes to my life, the one I have now, I've got nothing to hide.

So you're open about everything.

[ Dick says this like he gets it, but he can't quite comprehend. Or maybe he's just a little bit jealous. ]

No double identity? You're always you? ... Does that really work out for the rest of the people in your life?

Edited 2016-01-18 03:19 (UTC)

I go by M out of costume because thanks to superheroes, "Midnighter" now comes with certain expectations. I make it no secret what it's short for.

I'm afraid I can't really answer that one too well. My first boyfriend was another... aggressive anthropologist. [He really hates the word superhero.] Stronger than I could ever dream to be. But he was normal. He had a life and a name and a family. I thought he wanted normal.

I thought wrong.

[Talking about Andrew was probably the first time he ever loses that confident tone in his voice since meeting Dick. There's actually long pauses at places... talking about him is still hard. There's a pause before he continues.]

Second boyfriend was a civilian, but knew I was the Midnighter from the start. Towards the end there were some attempts on his life... but he was the one behind them. Turned out, he was actually a supervillain trying to kill me.

[Yeah his love life sucks.]

But there are other people in my life. People who know who I am and have seen me outside of the outfit. No one's ever harmed them. I'm not completely selfish. I give them the choice to be in my life.

[ That's an awful lot to think about, and he's going to have to wrestle with it for a while. But hearing someone else talk about this — someone who at least seems to be a confident and self-assured adult, regardless of whatever else he might have going on — is new. Or at least, it's the first time this advice has actually hit home in a way that meant something to him. ]

... Thanks for talking about all this with me. I don't... have a lot of people who are good at advice and get this stuff. Batman and I aren't, um, close. Here. And other people try, they do, but they don't understand what being from Gotham's like, so I just... [ He exhales slowly. ] I know this kind of started out as a joke, but thank you so much for taking me seriously.

Can I ask you one other thing?

Not a joke. You just needed a push in the right direction.

[M's glad this isn't a video conversation, because he's rubbing his neck as he figures out how to tackle what Dick just told him. This is so out of his wheelhouse.]

I'm really not, Dick. I'm not a hero, I'm not a role model, and I sure as hell don't give good advice. I'm just telling you how I live my life.

[He can guess what that last question might be.]

There was nothing between me and the Grayson back home. We met tracking down the same black science that was stolen from the Garden. When we first started out, we both thought we were on different sides. Eventually we figured out we weren't, our methods just differed. Not exactly sure what the hell you'd call us now, but it'd be something like allies. There's definitely respect as far as I'm concerned. You don't go monster hunting in Russia with people you don't trust.

The fact he has a great ass is just a bonus.

[ Aaaaand speaking of being glad this isn't a video conversation, Dick goes bright red, suddenly sooo flustered. ]

T-that's— that's not what I was going to ask! I mean yes okay I admit I was curious but that wasn't my question...

Then go ahead, Dickie. Shoot.

[Because now he's curious.]

[ Pardon him while he makes a muffled, more-than-faintly embarrassed noise into his hand for a second. ]

[ OKAY WE GOOD. He clears his throat. ]

I was just going to say. That first boyfriend you mentioned — your aggressive anthropologist friend. He really meant a lot to you, didn't he?

[ He's never heard M sound like that, is all. ]

....Yeah.

Andrew. His name's Andrew.

And he's much better off without me.

Why? [ Dick sounds genuinely confused. ] Weren't you just giving me a whole romantic pep talk?

You and Bucky are completely different from me and Andrew.

Well, I mean, I trust you on that, but still.

You two have a chance.

...We didn't.

Why not?

[ Can't stop being nosy. Sorry. Detective. ]

[That's not detective, that's being nosy.]

Because I ran the odds and they stopped being in our favor.

Drop it, Grayson.

All right. Consider it dropped. But you were a busybody first.

[ He doesn't sound too fussed about it, but then, he doesn't sound very apologetic, either. ]

... Anyway, I don't know. I like him a lot. He's cute and he's fun and I can tell he really cares about me. It's just— a lot to think about. I don't even have that many friends, so... I'm twice as worried about messing something up.

I'm helping you, there's a difference.

At least now you're actually thinking about it.

[He isn't sure what to say about not having friends. Until recently, M didn't either. He's not even sure what someone like Jason or Tony would say in this situation--they're all he really counts among his friends.]

You can help and be a busybody. I do it all the time. [ But hey, he's back to joking. He pauses, though, considering whether to say this next bit at all. ] I was thinking about it since we met. But things got complicated after the Russia simulation.

I have to entertain myself somehow, and since you two have latched onto me, you deserve it.

Does this wrinkle involve Robin?

Kind of. It was a survival simulation that became a war simulation, and I... disagreed with his methods. [ IF YOU KNOW WHAT HE MEANS. ] Intensely.

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