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[heliophilic]

This is M. I'm most likely out punching someone. Don't worry, they deserve it.

Probably.

I'll call you back later.

TEXT | VOICE | VIDEO

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[performance]

Why? [ Dick sounds genuinely confused. ] Weren't you just giving me a whole romantic pep talk?

[heliophilic]

You and Bucky are completely different from me and Andrew.

[performance]

Well, I mean, I trust you on that, but still.

[heliophilic]

You two have a chance.


...We didn't.

[performance]

Why not?

[ Can't stop being nosy. Sorry. Detective. ]

[heliophilic]

[That's not detective, that's being nosy.]

Because I ran the odds and they stopped being in our favor.

Drop it, Grayson.

[performance]

All right. Consider it dropped. But you were a busybody first.

[ He doesn't sound too fussed about it, but then, he doesn't sound very apologetic, either. ]

... Anyway, I don't know. I like him a lot. He's cute and he's fun and I can tell he really cares about me. It's just— a lot to think about. I don't even have that many friends, so... I'm twice as worried about messing something up.

[heliophilic]

I'm helping you, there's a difference.

At least now you're actually thinking about it.

[He isn't sure what to say about not having friends. Until recently, M didn't either. He's not even sure what someone like Jason or Tony would say in this situation--they're all he really counts among his friends.]

[performance]

You can help and be a busybody. I do it all the time. [ But hey, he's back to joking. He pauses, though, considering whether to say this next bit at all. ] I was thinking about it since we met. But things got complicated after the Russia simulation.

[heliophilic]

I have to entertain myself somehow, and since you two have latched onto me, you deserve it.

Does this wrinkle involve Robin?

[performance]

Kind of. It was a survival simulation that became a war simulation, and I... disagreed with his methods. [ IF YOU KNOW WHAT HE MEANS. ] Intensely.

[heliophilic]

So you're telling me he's a Chihuahua after my own heart.

[A fact that frankly does not surprise him in the least from what he does know about the tiny dog boy.]

Not everyone can be the Justice League, you know, Dickie. Sometimes we have to get our hands dirty.

[performance]

I know. I know I can be idealistic, but I'm not naive. He's a soldier. I understand the reality of that. But it's different when it's personal.

[heliophilic]

You mean when you have to see it.

[performance]

[ That makes him bristle, but he doesn't argue it, for the moment. Still, there's a definite sharper edge to his tone when he replies, simply: ]

Yes.

[heliophilic]

[See how much of a flying fuck M gives about your sharper edge, Dick Grayson.]

Then you don't understand the reality of what Bucky does. What he did in that simulation, that is what a soldier does.

You don't have to like it, but damn if you don't have to accept it. Not everyone shares The Bat's moral high ground.

[performance]

I realize that. But like I said, I'd never faced the reality of it before. I'd never had to work with someone who does that. And look, it's been tearing me up since November. Because the thing is, no matter what I think about it? He isn't wrong. It's easy enough for me to believe what I've been taught until it stops working.

[heliophilic]

Did Bucky ask you to kill a virtual man?

[performance]

... No.

[heliophilic]

Do you think Bucky would ever ask you to kill an actual man?

[performance]

No, I don't. But if I turn a blind eye to it, if I say it's okay for him but never for me, aren't I just saying that I'm too good to get my hands dirty? That makes it about me, not the principle of the thing.

[heliophilic]

[We're finally getting to the heart of the matter. About time.]

I'm going to let you in on something that's going to be tough to hear...

No, you aren't.

You're saying that it's a line that you will never cross yourself. That you found a moral code that works for you and it's something that you're going to live by. Just like with the other Grayson, it might not be something I agree with, but it's something I can respect. I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say it's true of Bucky too.

But when the time comes, and people like me and him need to get our hands dirty, you need to get the hell out of our way.

[performance]

[ There's a few quiet moments while he takes that in, weighing it. He's starting to understand the other side a little better, he thinks. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it easier. ]

I'm not— disparaging what you two do, or the importance of it. [ And even just that is hard to say, and feels like a betrayal of what Batman taught him, but... ] In a perfect world, it wouldn't be necessary. What I do wouldn't be necessary. But we don't live in that world, so I get it.

... He thinks I'm looking down on him for it. I'm not. I look at him, and I think, that could be me. [ He pauses, biting his cheek, trying to will himself to get this next part out. Quietly: ] I do think there are people out there that would be better off dead. The kind that won't stop, no matter what. Real monsters. But then there are people like the man who killed my parents. He was just a small time crook. A nobody. But to me? He was the worst of the worst. And I think... if I'd been alone? If I'd had the means? I might've done it.

[ It's not something he likes to dwell on. ]

So I'm not saying that taking someone's life is something unthinkable to me. It's just the opposite — I know it would be so easy to cross that line. And that's part of why it's so hard for me to just stand back and accept.

[heliophilic]

[M's quiet for a moment after that, trying to think of what exactly to say.]

Look, I'm not the person who can tell you whether or not to kill someone you think deserves it. Clearly, I'm the last person you want giving you that advice. I will tell you that killing someone is a lot easier than you think. And that should you go down that road, there are absolutely people that need to die.

But... [And he honestly can't believe he's saying this here.]

You can choose the moral high ground and not feel guilty over it. You realize some people have to die, that's more than most people. Besides, the fact you can think that and you still hold back is a pretty telling sign you already know what you want to do, and not because The Bat said so.

I'll let you in on a little secret--I kill people so people like you don't have to. Not everyone needs to get their hands dirty, Dick.

[performance]

Thank you for your honesty. Really. I can't talk to most of my friends about it, obviously, or Bucky, obviously, and I've just been running into dead end after dead end...

It means a lot that you're having an actual discussion with me. It's all well and good to be told what to think and how to behave, but the older I get, the more I want to understand where someone's coming from, you know? Even if I end up disagreeing with their actions, I want to understand.