heliophilic | IC Inbox

This is M. I'm most likely out punching someone. Don't worry, they deserve it.

Probably.

I'll call you back later.

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From:

heliophilic

[M debates between laughing or smirking, but as is usually the case, smirking wins out in the end.]

What? I said I wanted to try and hold up to the title. Is this not elegant in Asgard?

[He's nothing if not fair, so now said pinky is tucked beneath his ring finger. Wouldn't want to offend.]

I'll try harder next time.

From:

mischiefsmith

[Good, because if M started laughing it would only make it all the more difficult for Loki to stop and then he would be choking on the sausage. In his experience the Heimlich maneuver hurts...especially when you're not choking.]

Mmmm...the first thing you should know about Asgard is that everyone is barbaric, even the nobles. [Okay, a small amendment.] Perhaps, not completely...but we're all warriors, all the time.

[And with that said, Loki rises from the table long enough to retrieve a book from his giant wall of books before returning and sliding it across the table.]

Second...this, everything worth knowing about Asgard. If you ever find yourself climbing the walls out of boredom.

From:

heliophilic

Then definitely not appropriate.

[M tilts his head slightly when Loki leaves to retrieve something. Whatever he was expecting him to do when he first got up, it certainly wasn't to retrieve a book. He glances down at it, curious.]

My my someone's been busy. When did you find the time to write this?

From:

mischiefsmith

Appropriate might be smashing the glass on the floor, but please have mercy on me.

[Loki arranges himself into a mock, prostrating posture before righting himself again.

Loki himself is somewhat apprehensive, he's never really done the giving and receiving thing before, well, not in this life and in the past it had not been with any sort of altruistic intention. So he's never really certain how reception is supposed to work, ideally people like to be given things, he's just never had many friends to give anything too.

People here are more tolerant of his presence...and he's yet to develop a reputation.]

The writing isn't difficult, the stories are already there, the words flow like wine to the parchment. There is also that period between night time and morning when I'm doing absolutely nothing with myself [sleep is for the weak] it's the pictures are the difficult part.

[Loki flips the book open and a few pages in there is a full page layout of the Yggdrasil.]

I'm a word kind of man, the pictures were difficult.

From:

heliophilic

[Well that finally gets a chuckle out of him.]

I've already been told most people frown on that sort of thing, so you have nothing to fear from me there. And I've learned from experience you treat the person who cooks for you with the utmost respect.

[A very important, unwritten, unspoken rule that he learned early on.]

You mean the time most people sleep?

[AKA his work hours. M isn't much of a sleeper either.

When Loki flips the book open, M leans in for a better look.]

You could have fooled me. You drew this? [A smirk.] What can't you do?

From:

mischiefsmith

[That might explain why Loki looks as thigh he's just accomplished a mission.]

If that's the case then I should emerge, deep-six my secret agent career, and begin my new life as a chef. From pupa to butterfly.

[Food equals respect, and who says you can't learn anything new at the dinner table.]

Exactly, I refuse to sleep while my enemy stands...or in the face of a blank page. I have dependents that are relying on my adulting ways.

[Or maybe it's just bad habits.

Loki raises his eyebrows just a bit, anything that could be construed as a compliment always comes as a surprise.]

There were many rejects sacrificed in the making, but yes. [Loki is very anal about drawing, that's why it doesn't come as easy as words do. At the question Loki takes a long time to think about his answer before coming to his ah-ha! Moment] I cannot throw back an entire ICEE without getting brain freeze... and fly, flying isn't in my skill set.

From:

heliophilic

Who am I to stop someone from pursuing their dreams? Just don't be surprised when it's not all its cracked up to be.

[He arches a brow.]

Dependents, eh?

[Sure, he knows Loki's a god and all but he doesn't strike M as someone with dependents.]

You really thought about that one. I give what you can't do a solid "B."

From:

mischiefsmith

Oh, I live in a perpetual state of disappointment, it keeps my expectations realistic and my one little feeling from hurting too much when things do not go according to the plan.

[You just had to ask.]

Well, my book shelf requires reading material, my entertainment center absolutely insists on having entertainment, and my refrigerator is a bottomless pit and when I fail to feed it, it stops speaking to me. [And this is why Loki shouldn't be left alone for long periods of time.] On a serious note, I have no children in this world, graciously. The children I do have where I am from are fine on their own...see...

[He points to the picture of the Yggdrasil, at the bottom of the tree, wrapped around the roots, there is a large serpentine creature.] Jormungand is my son.

[Though technically perhaps? He's been reincarnated after all, maybe not so much? Loki isn't entirely certain.]

Oh! A solid B, that is generous of you, and for all the things I can do?

From:

heliophilic

You know, they say if your refrigerator talks to you that you have bigger problems than just your fridge getting angry. Luckily for you I'm not much of a "they."

[He follows Loki's finger down to the picture of the snake. No one can accuse him of living a boring life, that's for sure.]

And what's its purpose? To protect the tree... or is the tree protecting everything else from your kid?

[Oh you just had to ask that, now didn't you? M smirks.]

Well, you're just going to have to do them for me to judge for myself, now won't I? On the matter of your phallic sausages... an A.

From:

mischiefsmith

Fortunately I only speak to my kitchen appliances when my electronic devices stop talking to me. I get lonely, you see!

[With all of the time he's spent in solitary confinement, Loki could hold a conversation with a mountain.]

Oh, well now that's hitting below the belt. Poor little Jormy, he's just too big to fit anywhere else, not that there haven't been prophecies about him...but he's a lamb

[Sure he's a lamb, a great, big, venomous lamb that likes to attack your brother and is a potential threat to Earth. That's all.]

That's a lot of things, it will require a list. [He's not boasting at all, well maybe a little, he certainly doesn't try to hide his grin at the grade he receives on his phallic sausages.] That's a start.

From:

heliophilic

You might want to have a conversation with Mitchell Hundred then. I hear he talks to toasters too.

[The only electronics he talks to are the ones implanted in his head.]

I'm merely trying to interpret your drawing. You certainly don't make him look like a lamb.

[Honestly, even if Loki wasn't being facetious right now, M would have no way of knowing. His parental skills are nonexistent.]

I'm beginning to think I've gotten myself involved in something I shouldn't have.

[The smirk on his face doesn't make his words as he takes another bite of his sausage. They really did turn out great.]

From:

mischiefsmith

He probably saw that one movie about a brave toaster that could speak and became inspired.

[Unfortunately Loki doesn't have electronics in his head, he has to make do with the ones outside of his head.]

I suppose they all look intimidating...a giant serpent, an over-sized sentient wolf, the queen of Hel...although I cannot remember if she is or isn't, echo memories you see. [He's not the most paternal sort, most of his children were designed for a specific purpose.] Tess...Tess Black is probably the least frightening in her appearance, given that she is mortal for all intents and purposes, but I've erased her memories of me. Probably the only good thing Loki did as a parent.

[He's not entirely certain he can claim all of those memories and deeds as his own, vague as they are.]

You're eating dinner with Loki, God of Mischief, what could possibly go wrong?

[Loki's return smirk isn't necessarily comforting as he holds his wine glass up, cheers to becoming involved in things one should not.]

From:

heliophilic

[He shrugs at that. He's only spoken to the guy once, and that was over a year ago.]

Just how many kids do you have?

[Pretty much the gist he's getting from all of this is that Gods are weird. And that's saying something from him.]

Don't ever ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.

[Because he can and will give you that answer.]

From:

mischiefsmith

[Now you are asking Loki to remember all of his children.]

That...is a fair question, actually, I've had several lovers, men and women alike, I was also married once...poor woman...so I'm not entirely certain I can remember them all. Eight come to mind.

[Loki is terrible and awful and he knows this, but there's little he can do to correct what his past iterations have done and for his own memories which tend to be half formed at times.

As for not asking questions? Loki stares at M for a few seconds, before bursting into laughter, give him a minute.]

Those are my favorite questions!

[They truly are, though there is, quite possibly, not a question that Loki wouldn't ask as he is always curious about the answers and the ends.]

From:

heliophilic

Your child support bill must be through the roof.

[He stares stone-faced at Loki as he bursts out laughing, then at his declaration rattles off the first ten things that could go wrong statistically.

Well, he asked.]

From:

mischiefsmith

What if they are the children of the person you were in a former life, does that still make one beholden? I'm not sure what the mortal law of the land is on child support.

[Well now, that is a very impressive list and Loki is so amused he has to add more, of course these are things that could go statistically wrong in Loki reality, which include, but are not limited to: super heroes showing up unwanted just to put an arrow in your eye (it happens), an alien invasion, an inter-dimensional zombie apocalypse (he's seen it), and they could be wearing matching outfits (the horror)!

Loki has a sick sense of humor.]

From:

heliophilic

[M gives a shrug.]

Wouldn't know. I'm not exactly a philosopher. I see the world in statistics and probability.

[...As well as violence and death. Things that hardly seem suitable to blurt out the dinner table. M might not be the most familiar with small talk, but he's learned at least that much. "Killing Machine" talk is strictly for sarcastic situations.]

All of those are probably far more likely than you think they are. Not highly probable, but still probable.

From:

mischiefsmith

I'm good with there being no protocols to govern such philosophical matters. I'll do my best not to consciously create anymore, I don't think this world could handle another monster.

[Children, monsters...it's the same thing given Loki's history. And M is perfectly correct, death and violence is not something to talk about at the dinner table, it's what you talk about at the breakfast table. Honestly.]

We can cross one thing off of that list, we are far from being the Bobbsey twins. [They clearly have different taste in clothing and color schemes.] Now we just have to wait for the inter-dimensional zombie apocalypse and the endless un-dead smashing fun times.

From:

heliophilic

[M opens his mouth to say something supportive, only to quickly close it again. It isn't that he doesn't think that what Loki's said is true, but rather he has no idea the proper response to something like that. Sure, he can run through millions of calculations in the blink of an eye, but that means nothing when it isn't involving caving someone's skull in.]

...I'm sure you'll be fine.

[A weak response, and he knows it. He gives the barest of smiles before taking a drink of his wine. Damn civilian social interactions.]

I have no idea who those people are or what you're implying. [Are they some kind of celebrities? Is this going back to the wearing the same outfit thing?] See, now I know you're just paying me back about the "don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to" jab a minute ago, because you're just teasing me with a good time.

From:

mischiefsmith

Of course, what is it that they teach in your mortal educational systems abstinence-only. I wonder how that actually works out.

[Loki doesn't seem terribly put out, actually. He's never really had much parental obligation to his children. Odin threw his eldest into the ocean of Midgard...talk about an abusive grandparent. They are all entirely grown and self sufficient and he has no interest in anything more than what he has. He's interjected on the behalf of his mortal daughter, but she's alright. He has few memories of them and most of them were created in a past life under nefarious ambitions.]

Ah, well now I just have to tell you. The Bobbsey Twins are characters in a book, Mr. and Mrs. Bobbsey had two sets of twins--Nan and Bert, Freddie and Flossie...though in retrospect I suppose there's nothing Nan and Bert about us. [Too wholesome and that's just the start.] I enjoy flipping the script, but it's no fun unless you're feeling thoroughly yanked. Which begs the question, what qualifies as a good time? I'm thinking something more robust and action packed.

From:

heliophilic

Never went to school, but my way of "men-only" seems to be doing a wonderful job of keeping me childless.

[That... might have been an explanation but if it was again M misses it. Okay so they're twins from some sort of book. Do the twins dress the same? Why is pop culture so annoying?]

I'm happiest when I'm breaking every bone in another man's body.

[He follows that up with a sip of wine. This is a normal thing talked about at the dinner table, right?]

From:

mischiefsmith

Probably a good thing that you are a mortal, having man-bits isn't always fool proof depending on the pantheon.

[Let's see if Loki can disturb you before the evening ends.]

You're bringing the entertainment next time--you break bones, I'll watch. It's always more fun when it's not happening to you anyway.

[And Loki has no problem shoveling down sauerkraut as if they weren't talking about beating someone senseless.]

From:

heliophilic

You know, I think I'm better off not knowing about that one.

[Especially considering Loki just admitted to having who knows how many kids. It's not a judgement thing, it's more he feels he's better off not knowing the details of how that would work.]

I'll be sure to put you on speaker.

[Really the best relationships are built on food and violence, are they not?]

From:

mischiefsmith

Probably, but I would like to know if the whole cleaving Zeus in half with a Hammer was real or Grecian embellishment. Might have to ask Hercules...[hmmhmmhmm]...on second thought, I have a better rapport with Apollo...

[Loki actually thinks about that one...has he done anything to piss Apollo off? Probably...

...as for the unsavory details, magic is always behind the impossible and if Loki has ever had any children in that way he doesn't remember. Not that it would be part of his skill set.]

Nothing like a little ambiance to set a relaxing mood.

[That would explain much of the male bonding experience.]

From:

heliophilic

[The word "Apollo" makes him sit up in his seat just a little bit straighter.]

You know Apollo? [He pauses for a second.] The actual sun god?

[It makes him wonder what his Apollo would think, meeting his namesake.]

Not many people share our sentiments on that.

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