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[heliophilic]

This is M. I'm most likely out punching someone. Don't worry, they deserve it.

Probably.

I'll call you back later.

TEXT | VOICE | VIDEO

Comments

[performance]

Ha ha. He's really trying with that knife.

[heliophilic]

I figured he would be.

So...?

[performance]

So I didn't figure you for the matchmaker type.

[heliophilic]

Not a service I offer just anyone, so consider yourself lucky.

[performance]

Yeah. Lucky.

[ sssiiiigh. ]

Look, I'm, uh, flattered, I guess? That you care. If that's what's going on here. But it's not like that.

[heliophilic]

[If only you could see the look he's giving the phone right now.]

And that is why I did it. Either you're clueless or he is. My money's on the kid who still thinks it's illegal.

[performance]

You know, setting the multiple problems with the situation aside for a moment, I already tried dating a probably-straight kid once. Didn't end well. Almost nuked a friendship.

[heliophilic]

[M's amused that Dick doesn't notice how telling his top priority is.]

It's cute that you think he's straight. Most people don't go out of their way to con a professional commercial to teach a really good friend how to fly a helicopter.

[performance]

Yeah, well, Wally would've done anything for me but the whole kissing thing, so forgive me if I'm wary of blurring that line.

That's not even the point, anyway.

[heliophilic]

[Oho, there's a Wally involved. Interesting.]

That's the only point that matters, and you know it.

You made a mistake before, took a shot and got shot down. It makes you not want to try again. But trust me on this one. He's not as straight as you think.

[performance]

Okay even if you know what you're talking about, and I'm not convinced, it's absolutely not the only point that matters!

[ ugggghhh. ]

He also hates Robin. Like, the "feed an action figure of me to his neighbor's dog" kind of hate.

[heliophilic]

[Can you hear him rolling his eyes?]

This is why I find secret identities pointless. Explain to me how you're protecting Bucky by not telling him who you really are.

[performance]

That's an oversimplification.

[heliophilic]

No, it's not. Look, you want to keep your identity secret so the "bad guys" can't find you, fine. But how the hell does keeping your loved ones--and yes, I'm including friends so don't avoid the question again--in the dark help anyone? They're safer knowing you're a goddamn superhero!

[performance]

It's not just that! It's a matter of trust! It doesn't only expose me, but every single person I work with, by association. Not to mention it puts him in danger if he decides to do something stupid because he finds out about Scarecrow or— or who knows what. It's for everyone's protection, because it isn't just my secret.

All my life, I've only ever told one person. And I went behind Batman's back to do it.

[heliophilic]

[Ugh, superheroes and their goddamn secrets.]

Right, because Scarecrow hasn't done enough damage to himself that a hothead with a particular set of skills like Bucky couldn't possibly have a reason to go after him on his own.

And what happened that one time you told someone, after defying the almighty Batman?

[performance]

Back home? He hasn't found out. And the one here doesn't— care.

[ About him. And if some bitterness creeps into his voice there, what of it? ]

... I can't just break the rules anytime I feel like it. They might not make sense to other people. I get that. But if the rules only apply when I want them to, they might as well not exist.

[heliophilic]

[Fucking Batman. All of 'em, apparently.]

Look, remember what I told you when we first met? That everyone knows who my version of Grayson is? It wasn't an exaggeration. Some assholes from a parallel dimension or something--I'll be honest, I really didn't care, that was Justice League-level bullshit, not mine--unmasked him on live TV. He wasn't going by Robin anymore, but really it wasn't that huge of a leap to figure out he was the original.

You know what happened to the big, bad Batman and his little flock of birds?

Nothing.

No one's figured out just who they are. I don't know. [He doesn't doubt he can figure it out though, but as that doesn't help his point any, he keeps it to himself.]

Two words of advice:

1. "The rules" are bullshit. They're arbitrary, given to you when you were too young to know better by a guy who thinks its a good idea to run around dressed like a bat. One of the things about growing up is you have to decide what "rules" work for you. You don't have to play the game just like him. Get out from under his shadow. Play the game the way you think it should be played.

2. You should know by now that I'm very good with determining the odds of any given situation, and the odds of Bucky figuring it out on his own is higher than him not. You move a very specific way, from growing up as an acrobat, and he's more observant than he looks. And if--when--that time comes, I can almost guarantee he'll be pissed you kept it from him.

So whose trust is more important to you, Grayson?

[performance]

[ That's... an awful lot to take in all at once. Dick's quiet for several moments, taking a slow breath, his heart pounding in his chest. Trying to imagine what that would be like, if one day everyone just knew. It sounds terrifying.

It sounds freeing. ]

... I am trying, you know. To figure out who Robin is without "Batman and" in front of my name. I'm still— [ He laughs, but it's quiet. ] He gave me rules to live by, and a purpose, and a higher calling. It's like trying to make sense of faith on your own after being raised in the church, I think. It sounds melodramatic, but if you knew him like I did, you'd get it.

I know not everything he taught me is right. Or at least not right for me. I do know that. But it's... hard. It's really, really hard to rebuild yourself. If I drop those rules and make my own, that means any bad call I make from there on out? That's all on me. And it's not like I want to avoid responsibility or anything like that, but... honestly? I'm sixteen. I still screw up so much. How am I supposed to know what the right thing to do is when I only seem to get it right about half the time?

[ Dryly, but jokingly: ] Complicated interpersonal relationship dynamics aside.

[heliophilic]

[Now it's M's turn to be quiet. Deep conversations like this, with a teenager no less, is not his strong suit. He's not a role model, someone to ask these kinds of questions to. Hell, it's debatable if he's even a good person in general.

Still, he's been there. Back when his memories were nothing but a blank slate and killing was all he thought about. It was terrifying.

So... so he'll try, at least, to give Dick some guidance.]

I'm not saying throw them all out. I mean, I'm not exactly Batman's biggest fan, but he's got at least a few good ideas. All I'm saying is you have to use them as the basis for you, rather than clutching them like a safety net. You're a Grayson, kid. You don't need 'em to fly.

I'm not exactly sure about teenagers, but I'm pretty sure that screwing up is what they're supposed to do. You're learning. And honestly, it sucks, but you learn what's right by doing the wrong thing. No one's perfect, not even someone who can see how it ends before it starts.

So you make mistakes, and you learn from them. And you own those mistakes and you get better. But unless you fuck up, you'll never learn your limits.

[performance]

... You're surprisingly understanding for a guy I met covered in blood.

[heliophilic]

Matt got lucky.

[No, M got played. But he doesn't like to think about that too much.]

I started out as a blank slate. No memories of my past, just my implants giving me all kinds of suggestions. I made a choice about who I wanted to be, and it took me a little bit to get there, but I did, and I couldn't be happier. I figure being a teenager is kind of like that.

[performance]

Maybe a little bit. ... Maybe a lot, actually. [ He pauses for a moment. ] So you didn't have anyone telling you what to do and how to do it? Just— implants?

[ There's a story here... ]

[heliophilic]

I'd be lying if I said it was just me. The Gardener was there for me in the beginning. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't get some of my values from her, but not because she was the one who took me in. Her hatred of black science rivaled my own because I knew exactly what black science was capable of.

But when push came to shove, I quickly learned just how different our thoughts on the matter were, and I cut her out of my life.

Funny enough, I have the other Grayson to thank for that.

[performance]

I can see why he likes you.

[ Dick laughs quietly, mostly at himself. ] ... Man, I really want to ask you like a thousand questions about this stuff you keep saying. Sorry — detective thing.