heliophilic | IC Inbox

I'd say any sort of sausage dish is going to be filled with phallic imagry.

[Otherwise where's the fun in that?]

Name the place and I'll be there. I did agree I would, after all.

This dish wins gold, silver, and broze in the category of phallic imagery. Deciding to keep it thematic, the mashed potatoes look like balls--I'm not entirely sure I can do this with a straight face.

[Clearly Loki's having too much fun and he needs to be stopped.]

Ah yes, well, I've created a spot for this. Roommates and all, they disturb the creative flow.

[And so Loki will give M the address of an apartment in Heropa that, technically, should not exist, but it does.]

But it's what truly makes you the hero of this story.

[Sorry Loki, you're going to be getting no tips on restraint from him.]

And here I thought creating spaces was my specialty. I'm not sure how I like sharing.

[Somhow he'll deal just fine.]

Should I come over now?

Me, the hero of this story? [Now you've got him all excited.] Hm...well it doesn't happen often, so I'll take it! The sausage hero, meat warrior, the wiener master! No...no, none of them work.

[A moniker will not be in this particular story.]

What is a man without his castle? Can't a man have his space, M? I promise not to encroach any more on your shtick than this.

[He promises nothing.]

Well hot sausage is preferable to cold in my humble opinion, so yes. If that is your wish.

You seem excited to be the hero who in the "he protected the phallic imagery of the Schlachteplatte dish" story. Hopefully it will be a tale to be told throughout the ages.

I'm partial Wiener Warrior. Alliteration always seems to work best for a young hero.

[A smirk.]

I'll be right over. Door.

[A golden doorway appears behind him and he begins to slip through it, breaking the connection just before the communicator would have gone through.

A moment later there's a knock on Loki's door.]

[A golden door leading directly to a door that shouldn't exist ought not to seem as normal as it does, but it feels nearly familiar. It's the true normalcies around him that drive Loki crazy, so planned, so orderly...anything a bit off color is welcome.

And, like the good host that he is, he'll open the door with a sweeping bow that clearly says come in.]

When you say young hero [as if their conversation had never stopped] do you mean physically young?

[Ironically for one so against the planned and orderly, his space is oddly feng shui, with all of the furniture being relative to one another. And save for the kitchen, the lighting is also dim, a personal preference as opposed to a stylistic choice.]

Which would better suit your ego?

[M takes a brief look around, but not so long as to appear to be scrutinizing the place.]

I see you don't believe in lamps.

Which ever one emulates the adult image I'm desperately trying to cultivate here.

[He's pretty certain he's failing at the adulting thing given his inability to be serious for lengthy periods of time.]

I enjoy the ambiance, but more light can be arranged, wouldn't want you tripping over the rug that's five feet in front of you.

[He's Loki, he has to tease, but he does radiate a greenish light just for effect or maybe he's just being an ass on purpose. It's hard to tell. A playful ass, but an ass.]

Well then, in that case I most definitely meant "young hero" in the narrative sense. As in "...And then our dashing young hero slayed the dragon."

[The nuances of interacting with other people might still elude him in certain aspects, but one where he needs no refresher is "never insult the person making your food."]

I'm the Midnighter. I don't trip over things.

[See now after he went out of his way not to insult you, you have to go and insult him. That's hardly polite.]

I suppose there is something sprightly about slaying dragons.

[Though Loki is more prone to turning things into dragons and causing mayhem, but he liked the heroic angle.]

My deepest apologies? How shall I make up for it?

[He figures he could start by presenting the dish, inviting M to sit if he wanted to while the god of mischief poured wine. A light-bodied red, juicy wine tended to be his preference.]

I didn't think about a dessert, but thanks to a black eye and a Mister Bruce Wayne, I have plenty of ice cream.

That's a start.

[He has no problems navigating through the dim lighting to the table Loki motioned to, sitting down at one of the chairs. He's not much of a wine drinker, but he doesn't decline when the glass it put in front of him.]

Why did Bruce Wayne buy you ice cream?

[Someone isn't the biggest fan of dear Bruce.]

You'll have to tell me where to finish then.

[Wine was one of the few adult beverages Loki could tolerate. Though he did drink beer, it was difficult to find a mortal beverage that suited his particular tastes. Although he could have made milkshakes, the next best thing to bacon, honestly.]

Ah! Well, he gave me a black eye and threw me up against a car without buying me dinner first. Ice cream was the least he could offer me, and now I have more than I know what to do with.

[An entire freezer full. Moose Tracks can heal all wounds.]

[Oh man, that must have been a sight.]

You could have walked away with a porsche, unless he doesn't have his precious money here.

[It was most certainly something, not that getting hit in the face with a fire extinguisher is something he wants to relive anytime soon.]

Should I have held out? Though I've never driven a car before, I'm not sure this world is ready for that next level of chaos. Still, it's good to know that I could end up with a haul if I sad-puppy eyes him just enough.

[Loki can be really pathetic when he puts his mind to it.]

If the tabloids back home are to be believed.

[Even M isn't exempt from the occasional tabloid read.

But for now he's turning his attention to the food.]

Your presentation is excellent. Color me impressed.

And what portrait do these tabloids back home paint of dear Bruce Wayne?

[Loki doesn't judge, in fact, opposite of where they are eating there is a wall of books. They are neatly shelved, but among those books are comics.

He's not against whimsical.]

Thank you. Theatrics is part of the dining experience. [He says as he stabs a sausage with his fork and takes a bite out of one end. Chew. Swallow] The eating part is satisfactorily inelegant.

That's he's a brainless playboy whose family owns half of Gotham.

[Of course, there's also the fact that Bruce funds the Bat, but he's going to hold onto that for Dickie's sake. He does have that hysterical secret identity of his, and dots might be connected.]

It depends on how you eat it. [M debates being theatrical with his food to prove his point, but decides against it. He instead slices a piece off a sausage and takes a bite.]

I do not suppose these tabloids mention the ax you have to grind with him.

[Despite the smile and good humor in M, it doesn't go beneath Loki's notice that this is a man that his companion finds...distasteful in some way.

That meant he had to be more than a rich playboy, but Loki dropped his penetrating, old man look and took another bite out of his sausage. He was known to play with his food, but he's not a complete savage.

He still forks his sausage, a pun he will keep to the confines of his own mind, but it's clear he's just amused himself somehow. At least he has a bit more class when it comes to drinking wine.]

I stand corrected, you're very elegant. [He specifically refers to M, because the food is hardly elegant.]

I'm simply of the radical belief that someone with that kind of resources should be doing something more worthwhile with himself.

[And that's not a total lie!]

I've been called many things, but elegant's never been one of them.

[Loki makes a thoughtful sound into his glass.]

I suppose he spends a lot of time sculpting himself into rock-hardness, he's built like a tank under the fancy suits. That's about the only pleasant thing I can say about the up close and personal experience. [And that does make Loki snort, amused at having irritated the man just a bit.] I think he's peculiar...why would he he be out there in the thick of all those super powered wannabes wearing little else but a three piece suit and a disapproving scowl? He seems to have a soft spot for innocent people, that must count for something.

[Don't mind him, Loki is just...Loki.]

Of course I did end up doing most of the heavy lifting.

[True enough, Loki ended up using his powers given that Bruce had none.]

It is my belief that there is a first time for everything.

Perhaps they got too close to his bank vault. I'm sure he's feeling quite penniless and desperation will drive a man to do crazy things.

[Still, that was... interesting information to store away for later.]

Then I should try to hold up to the title.

[As he cuts his next piece, he's sure to hold out his pinky. As you do when you're elegant, right?]

Desperation and crazy do make for strange bedfellows, not that I would know anything about it.

[Loki has absolutely no experience with crazy whatsoever. Which is why he'll just shut up and eat his potatoes and sauerkraut, thanks.

Which he has to fight himself to either swallow or spit as laughter threatens him with one or the other. Being the gentleman that he is he'll choke it down and then he'll double over half laughing, half coughing into the crook of his arm.]

Oh...now you've done it...dining etiquette is going to spiral into anarchy...

[He shouldn't be so amused by the "pinky up" but, it really doesn't take much to amuse Loki if truth be told. Just a bit of novelty, something random or unexpected.]

[M debates between laughing or smirking, but as is usually the case, smirking wins out in the end.]

What? I said I wanted to try and hold up to the title. Is this not elegant in Asgard?

[He's nothing if not fair, so now said pinky is tucked beneath his ring finger. Wouldn't want to offend.]

I'll try harder next time.

[Good, because if M started laughing it would only make it all the more difficult for Loki to stop and then he would be choking on the sausage. In his experience the Heimlich maneuver hurts...especially when you're not choking.]

Mmmm...the first thing you should know about Asgard is that everyone is barbaric, even the nobles. [Okay, a small amendment.] Perhaps, not completely...but we're all warriors, all the time.

[And with that said, Loki rises from the table long enough to retrieve a book from his giant wall of books before returning and sliding it across the table.]

Second...this, everything worth knowing about Asgard. If you ever find yourself climbing the walls out of boredom.

Then definitely not appropriate.

[M tilts his head slightly when Loki leaves to retrieve something. Whatever he was expecting him to do when he first got up, it certainly wasn't to retrieve a book. He glances down at it, curious.]

My my someone's been busy. When did you find the time to write this?

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I'm so sorry for such a late tag, holidays got hectic