heliophilic | IC Inbox

This is M. I'm most likely out punching someone. Don't worry, they deserve it.

Probably.

I'll call you back later.

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From:

mischiefsmith

And what portrait do these tabloids back home paint of dear Bruce Wayne?

[Loki doesn't judge, in fact, opposite of where they are eating there is a wall of books. They are neatly shelved, but among those books are comics.

He's not against whimsical.]

Thank you. Theatrics is part of the dining experience. [He says as he stabs a sausage with his fork and takes a bite out of one end. Chew. Swallow] The eating part is satisfactorily inelegant.

From:

heliophilic

That's he's a brainless playboy whose family owns half of Gotham.

[Of course, there's also the fact that Bruce funds the Bat, but he's going to hold onto that for Dickie's sake. He does have that hysterical secret identity of his, and dots might be connected.]

It depends on how you eat it. [M debates being theatrical with his food to prove his point, but decides against it. He instead slices a piece off a sausage and takes a bite.]

From:

mischiefsmith

I do not suppose these tabloids mention the ax you have to grind with him.

[Despite the smile and good humor in M, it doesn't go beneath Loki's notice that this is a man that his companion finds...distasteful in some way.

That meant he had to be more than a rich playboy, but Loki dropped his penetrating, old man look and took another bite out of his sausage. He was known to play with his food, but he's not a complete savage.

He still forks his sausage, a pun he will keep to the confines of his own mind, but it's clear he's just amused himself somehow. At least he has a bit more class when it comes to drinking wine.]

I stand corrected, you're very elegant. [He specifically refers to M, because the food is hardly elegant.]

From:

heliophilic

I'm simply of the radical belief that someone with that kind of resources should be doing something more worthwhile with himself.

[And that's not a total lie!]

I've been called many things, but elegant's never been one of them.

From:

mischiefsmith

[Loki makes a thoughtful sound into his glass.]

I suppose he spends a lot of time sculpting himself into rock-hardness, he's built like a tank under the fancy suits. That's about the only pleasant thing I can say about the up close and personal experience. [And that does make Loki snort, amused at having irritated the man just a bit.] I think he's peculiar...why would he he be out there in the thick of all those super powered wannabes wearing little else but a three piece suit and a disapproving scowl? He seems to have a soft spot for innocent people, that must count for something.

[Don't mind him, Loki is just...Loki.]

Of course I did end up doing most of the heavy lifting.

[True enough, Loki ended up using his powers given that Bruce had none.]

It is my belief that there is a first time for everything.

From:

heliophilic

Perhaps they got too close to his bank vault. I'm sure he's feeling quite penniless and desperation will drive a man to do crazy things.

[Still, that was... interesting information to store away for later.]

Then I should try to hold up to the title.

[As he cuts his next piece, he's sure to hold out his pinky. As you do when you're elegant, right?]

From:

mischiefsmith

Desperation and crazy do make for strange bedfellows, not that I would know anything about it.

[Loki has absolutely no experience with crazy whatsoever. Which is why he'll just shut up and eat his potatoes and sauerkraut, thanks.

Which he has to fight himself to either swallow or spit as laughter threatens him with one or the other. Being the gentleman that he is he'll choke it down and then he'll double over half laughing, half coughing into the crook of his arm.]

Oh...now you've done it...dining etiquette is going to spiral into anarchy...

[He shouldn't be so amused by the "pinky up" but, it really doesn't take much to amuse Loki if truth be told. Just a bit of novelty, something random or unexpected.]

From:

heliophilic

[M debates between laughing or smirking, but as is usually the case, smirking wins out in the end.]

What? I said I wanted to try and hold up to the title. Is this not elegant in Asgard?

[He's nothing if not fair, so now said pinky is tucked beneath his ring finger. Wouldn't want to offend.]

I'll try harder next time.

From:

mischiefsmith

[Good, because if M started laughing it would only make it all the more difficult for Loki to stop and then he would be choking on the sausage. In his experience the Heimlich maneuver hurts...especially when you're not choking.]

Mmmm...the first thing you should know about Asgard is that everyone is barbaric, even the nobles. [Okay, a small amendment.] Perhaps, not completely...but we're all warriors, all the time.

[And with that said, Loki rises from the table long enough to retrieve a book from his giant wall of books before returning and sliding it across the table.]

Second...this, everything worth knowing about Asgard. If you ever find yourself climbing the walls out of boredom.

From:

heliophilic

Then definitely not appropriate.

[M tilts his head slightly when Loki leaves to retrieve something. Whatever he was expecting him to do when he first got up, it certainly wasn't to retrieve a book. He glances down at it, curious.]

My my someone's been busy. When did you find the time to write this?

From:

mischiefsmith

Appropriate might be smashing the glass on the floor, but please have mercy on me.

[Loki arranges himself into a mock, prostrating posture before righting himself again.

Loki himself is somewhat apprehensive, he's never really done the giving and receiving thing before, well, not in this life and in the past it had not been with any sort of altruistic intention. So he's never really certain how reception is supposed to work, ideally people like to be given things, he's just never had many friends to give anything too.

People here are more tolerant of his presence...and he's yet to develop a reputation.]

The writing isn't difficult, the stories are already there, the words flow like wine to the parchment. There is also that period between night time and morning when I'm doing absolutely nothing with myself [sleep is for the weak] it's the pictures are the difficult part.

[Loki flips the book open and a few pages in there is a full page layout of the Yggdrasil.]

I'm a word kind of man, the pictures were difficult.

From:

heliophilic

[Well that finally gets a chuckle out of him.]

I've already been told most people frown on that sort of thing, so you have nothing to fear from me there. And I've learned from experience you treat the person who cooks for you with the utmost respect.

[A very important, unwritten, unspoken rule that he learned early on.]

You mean the time most people sleep?

[AKA his work hours. M isn't much of a sleeper either.

When Loki flips the book open, M leans in for a better look.]

You could have fooled me. You drew this? [A smirk.] What can't you do?

From:

mischiefsmith

[That might explain why Loki looks as thigh he's just accomplished a mission.]

If that's the case then I should emerge, deep-six my secret agent career, and begin my new life as a chef. From pupa to butterfly.

[Food equals respect, and who says you can't learn anything new at the dinner table.]

Exactly, I refuse to sleep while my enemy stands...or in the face of a blank page. I have dependents that are relying on my adulting ways.

[Or maybe it's just bad habits.

Loki raises his eyebrows just a bit, anything that could be construed as a compliment always comes as a surprise.]

There were many rejects sacrificed in the making, but yes. [Loki is very anal about drawing, that's why it doesn't come as easy as words do. At the question Loki takes a long time to think about his answer before coming to his ah-ha! Moment] I cannot throw back an entire ICEE without getting brain freeze... and fly, flying isn't in my skill set.

From:

heliophilic

Who am I to stop someone from pursuing their dreams? Just don't be surprised when it's not all its cracked up to be.

[He arches a brow.]

Dependents, eh?

[Sure, he knows Loki's a god and all but he doesn't strike M as someone with dependents.]

You really thought about that one. I give what you can't do a solid "B."

From:

mischiefsmith

Oh, I live in a perpetual state of disappointment, it keeps my expectations realistic and my one little feeling from hurting too much when things do not go according to the plan.

[You just had to ask.]

Well, my book shelf requires reading material, my entertainment center absolutely insists on having entertainment, and my refrigerator is a bottomless pit and when I fail to feed it, it stops speaking to me. [And this is why Loki shouldn't be left alone for long periods of time.] On a serious note, I have no children in this world, graciously. The children I do have where I am from are fine on their own...see...

[He points to the picture of the Yggdrasil, at the bottom of the tree, wrapped around the roots, there is a large serpentine creature.] Jormungand is my son.

[Though technically perhaps? He's been reincarnated after all, maybe not so much? Loki isn't entirely certain.]

Oh! A solid B, that is generous of you, and for all the things I can do?

From:

heliophilic

You know, they say if your refrigerator talks to you that you have bigger problems than just your fridge getting angry. Luckily for you I'm not much of a "they."

[He follows Loki's finger down to the picture of the snake. No one can accuse him of living a boring life, that's for sure.]

And what's its purpose? To protect the tree... or is the tree protecting everything else from your kid?

[Oh you just had to ask that, now didn't you? M smirks.]

Well, you're just going to have to do them for me to judge for myself, now won't I? On the matter of your phallic sausages... an A.

From:

mischiefsmith

Fortunately I only speak to my kitchen appliances when my electronic devices stop talking to me. I get lonely, you see!

[With all of the time he's spent in solitary confinement, Loki could hold a conversation with a mountain.]

Oh, well now that's hitting below the belt. Poor little Jormy, he's just too big to fit anywhere else, not that there haven't been prophecies about him...but he's a lamb

[Sure he's a lamb, a great, big, venomous lamb that likes to attack your brother and is a potential threat to Earth. That's all.]

That's a lot of things, it will require a list. [He's not boasting at all, well maybe a little, he certainly doesn't try to hide his grin at the grade he receives on his phallic sausages.] That's a start.

From:

heliophilic

You might want to have a conversation with Mitchell Hundred then. I hear he talks to toasters too.

[The only electronics he talks to are the ones implanted in his head.]

I'm merely trying to interpret your drawing. You certainly don't make him look like a lamb.

[Honestly, even if Loki wasn't being facetious right now, M would have no way of knowing. His parental skills are nonexistent.]

I'm beginning to think I've gotten myself involved in something I shouldn't have.

[The smirk on his face doesn't make his words as he takes another bite of his sausage. They really did turn out great.]

From:

mischiefsmith

He probably saw that one movie about a brave toaster that could speak and became inspired.

[Unfortunately Loki doesn't have electronics in his head, he has to make do with the ones outside of his head.]

I suppose they all look intimidating...a giant serpent, an over-sized sentient wolf, the queen of Hel...although I cannot remember if she is or isn't, echo memories you see. [He's not the most paternal sort, most of his children were designed for a specific purpose.] Tess...Tess Black is probably the least frightening in her appearance, given that she is mortal for all intents and purposes, but I've erased her memories of me. Probably the only good thing Loki did as a parent.

[He's not entirely certain he can claim all of those memories and deeds as his own, vague as they are.]

You're eating dinner with Loki, God of Mischief, what could possibly go wrong?

[Loki's return smirk isn't necessarily comforting as he holds his wine glass up, cheers to becoming involved in things one should not.]

From:

heliophilic

[He shrugs at that. He's only spoken to the guy once, and that was over a year ago.]

Just how many kids do you have?

[Pretty much the gist he's getting from all of this is that Gods are weird. And that's saying something from him.]

Don't ever ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.

[Because he can and will give you that answer.]

From:

mischiefsmith

[Now you are asking Loki to remember all of his children.]

That...is a fair question, actually, I've had several lovers, men and women alike, I was also married once...poor woman...so I'm not entirely certain I can remember them all. Eight come to mind.

[Loki is terrible and awful and he knows this, but there's little he can do to correct what his past iterations have done and for his own memories which tend to be half formed at times.

As for not asking questions? Loki stares at M for a few seconds, before bursting into laughter, give him a minute.]

Those are my favorite questions!

[They truly are, though there is, quite possibly, not a question that Loki wouldn't ask as he is always curious about the answers and the ends.]

From:

heliophilic

Your child support bill must be through the roof.

[He stares stone-faced at Loki as he bursts out laughing, then at his declaration rattles off the first ten things that could go wrong statistically.

Well, he asked.]

From:

mischiefsmith

What if they are the children of the person you were in a former life, does that still make one beholden? I'm not sure what the mortal law of the land is on child support.

[Well now, that is a very impressive list and Loki is so amused he has to add more, of course these are things that could go statistically wrong in Loki reality, which include, but are not limited to: super heroes showing up unwanted just to put an arrow in your eye (it happens), an alien invasion, an inter-dimensional zombie apocalypse (he's seen it), and they could be wearing matching outfits (the horror)!

Loki has a sick sense of humor.]

From:

heliophilic

[M gives a shrug.]

Wouldn't know. I'm not exactly a philosopher. I see the world in statistics and probability.

[...As well as violence and death. Things that hardly seem suitable to blurt out the dinner table. M might not be the most familiar with small talk, but he's learned at least that much. "Killing Machine" talk is strictly for sarcastic situations.]

All of those are probably far more likely than you think they are. Not highly probable, but still probable.

From:

mischiefsmith

I'm good with there being no protocols to govern such philosophical matters. I'll do my best not to consciously create anymore, I don't think this world could handle another monster.

[Children, monsters...it's the same thing given Loki's history. And M is perfectly correct, death and violence is not something to talk about at the dinner table, it's what you talk about at the breakfast table. Honestly.]

We can cross one thing off of that list, we are far from being the Bobbsey twins. [They clearly have different taste in clothing and color schemes.] Now we just have to wait for the inter-dimensional zombie apocalypse and the endless un-dead smashing fun times.

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The Mongoose in a room full of cobras

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